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Badass Women at Any Age

Jun 2, 2020

So much of what we get back in life has to do with the relationship we have with both ourselves and those around us. Melanie Joy, psychologist, author, speaker, and educator, has made it her life’s mission to understand how we can transform our relationships to get back more understanding and compassion on an individual and societal level. She joins the show this week to share the critical life experience that set her on the path for studying the complex nature of relationships and why we put up barriers instead of having an open heart. Melanie also talks about her new book, Getting Relationships Right, a one-stop guide to building emotional literacy and keeping our relational immune system healthy. 

What You Will Hear in This Episode: 

  • Melanie’s beloved dog fundamentally changed her view on love and relationships, and it was further cemented with her experience getting extremely ill from a hamburger. This awakened her curiosity on the social norms that dictate why we feel okay eating some meat and disgusted by the thought of other animals. 
  • Through Melanie’s books and writing, she shares her profound desire to understand why humans act against natural values of compassion and fairness and turn away from our fellow humans. 
  • The more we can observe ways that we act against natural drives and disconnect, the more we can act to consciously change our behavioral patterns.
  • Throughout our life, we bring our systems and conditioning into our relationships without even realizing it, and this often creates friction and conflicts. 
  • Great leaders will make it a point to understand that in a position of power, we tend to empathize less towards others below us and feel entitlement towards double standards. 
  • The messages we hear about ourselves socially end up becoming internalized. When we become aware of the social systems in which we are influenced, we take back a lot of our power and can make more rational choices for ourselves and compassion for others. 
  • Trust, safety, and connection are the foundational elements of keeping our relational immune system healthy.
  • We do give too much energy to the negative and defeating voices in our head, and this affects our well being as well as our relationships. 



  • “What we really want is a meaningful connection, yet we act in ways that cause disconnection.”  
  • “The problem is, when we don’t recognize the way power influences us psychologically, we can end up abusing it or causing problems with it in our relationships.” 
  • “When you become aware of your thoughts, you can get a lot of important information about yourself.” 
  • “It’s so important for us to take the temperature of our internal experience on a regular basis.” 



Melanie Joy 

Getting Relationships Right